Friday, March 8, 2013

This One Will Have To Wait

I had planned on writing about goals vs. intents today.  What those words mean and how I prefer to set an intent over a goal.  I even found a great definition of the word intent I wanted to use here.  I can't find it.  Figures, doesn't it?  I have the book I found it in.  I've flipped thru the chapters I have read, and I just can't find the paragraphs I'm looking for.  So this particular post is going to have to wait.

I'll end this week with saying, I'm doing better.  I'm still have fatigue, some blues, but I'm better.  I reminded myself, not of goals, but of the intent I had for this month - to take it easy and allow my body to heal - and I'm doing that.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Getting Better

I have found over the last two days that cutting myself a break has really helped.  I'm feeling better.  And Jim lets loose with a sigh of relief.

Now my mind is almost a total blank.  Tuesday I woke up and figured out what I wanted to write about and I also came up with my picture for Wordless Wednesday.  Today; blank.  So, I think I'll just leave it at that.  I'm doing better and the rest will come to me - including something to write about.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Wordless Wednesday

                                                       Take me away Carnival!

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Morning Revelations

I thought about using the title "Early Morning Revelations" but I didn't want my sister Margaret to fall off her chair laughing.  She knows that "early" morning for me is closer to late morning, early afternoon for her.  I'm being kind, I don't want my sister to hurt herself.

This morning before I got out of bed, I was planning out my day and planning what I might write about this morning on my blog.  I was thinking over yesterday's post and how I've been feeling in general when several things occurred to me.

One - about feeling "blue".  You know what?  I've been living with a cancer diagnosis for over 11 years (actually closer to 12 since next month is the anniversary month when my doctor found the elevation in my white count).  I've left 2 jobs I loved because of it.  I've dealt with health issues because of it.  Mainly viruses that knock me off my feet 3 weeks or more.  In the past year it got harder to do things and we were first told last spring that treatment was getting to be a possibility.   Finally there was 6 months of treatment itself.  Well gee then, if you look at it like that, it's kind of a no brainer.

Two.  At my last chemo both my oncologist and my chemo nurse both told me that it was going to take some time before my energy came back.  Part of me listened and part of me did not.  Guess which part took over?

I've been telling myself I should be doing this or that, that in months past I was feeling a little better than I do now.  Going into my last chemo I told myself that I was going to take it easy and give myself a break for at least 6 weeks or so.  I was going to wait until the beginning of April before I really tried to do more.  Hmmm, I seemed to have forgotten that.

I shared this with Jim this morning, who pretty much gave me one of those - ya know if you had asked me first I could have told you this looks.  Actually, he was pretty kind about it.  And I resolved to cut myself a break.  And to remember my plan to take it easy until the beginning of April (or longer if I need it).  I'm feeling better already.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Blue Monday - Part 2

Yesterday I had a discussion with Jim.  It was one of those which came first, the chicken or the egg conversations.  In this case it was, which could it be:  Am I feeling depressed because I'm tired or am I tired because I'm feeling depressed?  Fatigue is a side effect of chemo.  Usually by this time in the cycle (3 weeks since chemo) my energy has started to pick up.  This month, I'm still feeling fatigued.  I wonder if my white count is still down.  It was below normal before my chemo in January and while it came up before chemo in February, it was still a little below normal.  Which brings up a third question, am I just tired and depressed?  Fum.

I can say I'm not quite as "blue" as I was last week when I wrote about it.  I've been doing what I know to do to ease the depression.  I recognized what is going on, I talked to Jim about it,  I've been keeping lights on around me, I've been using aroma therapy (burning my wonderful candles from Bath and Body Works), and yes, indulging in some retail therapy.  I'm not up for going out to shop, so I've been letting my fingers shop online.  Today my latest order from Bath and Body Works arrived, I've got a package coming this week from Amazon, and I've placed an order with niece Lisa for Origami Owl.

Next Monday I have an appointment with my oncologist.  It will be my one month post chemo check up.  We'll find out then how my white (and red) counts is doing.  We'll also find out if my port can come out, and we'll continue to discover what's next.

So the blues remain, but it's not quite as bad.  I look forward to feeling better.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Why I Love Facebook

I don't always love Facebook, I have some complaints with it.  Like a constant change of their format, deciding for me that I want the Top News, not the Most Current (which I prefer), stuff like that.  Then there are days like yesterday when I have private messages from not one, but two friends from way back when.  You know, from the Jr. High and High School years.

It's nice being able to have contact with people who knew me when (and they still like me!!  LOL!).  I've been glad to have contact with people who at one time were out of my life for what I thought would be forever.  Years ago we moved 450 miles away from where we grew up and I thought that I left all those people behind me forever.  Sniff.  Not so with Facebook (and other social media).  In addition, this week has been a little rough.  I realized I was depressed this week.  Hearing from old friends helped a lot.

Until next week!