Yesterday I had a discussion with Jim. It was one of those which came first, the chicken or the egg conversations. In this case it was, which could it be: Am I feeling depressed because I'm tired or am I tired because I'm feeling depressed? Fatigue is a side effect of chemo. Usually by this time in the cycle (3 weeks since chemo) my energy has started to pick up. This month, I'm still feeling fatigued. I wonder if my white count is still down. It was below normal before my chemo in January and while it came up before chemo in February, it was still a little below normal. Which brings up a third question, am I just tired and depressed? Fum.
I can say I'm not quite as "blue" as I was last week when I wrote about it. I've been doing what I know to do to ease the depression. I recognized what is going on, I talked to Jim about it, I've been keeping lights on around me, I've been using aroma therapy (burning my wonderful candles from Bath and Body Works), and yes, indulging in some retail therapy. I'm not up for going out to shop, so I've been letting my fingers shop online. Today my latest order from Bath and Body Works arrived, I've got a package coming this week from Amazon, and I've placed an order with niece Lisa for Origami Owl.
Next Monday I have an appointment with my oncologist. It will be my one month post chemo check up. We'll find out then how my white (and red) counts is doing. We'll also find out if my port can come out, and we'll continue to discover what's next.
So the blues remain, but it's not quite as bad. I look forward to feeling better.