Anticipation. And not like in the old Heinz catsup commercial's where they used the Carly Simon song. Anticipation, as in, anticipating my next and last chemo treatment. Five days from today I'll have my last infusions. Six days from today I'll have my last shot of Neulasta. And then, then, we (we, as in Jim and I) start into the great unknown.
The unknown, as in, what's next. We know it will be 3 month follow-ups with Dr. Dang. But will it be chemo, with a follow up in a month and then 3 months later? Or chemo and no follow up until 3 months later. We've been going once a month since September. It will be strange not to have that 1 month follow up.
Going into post chemo will kinda' be like right after diagnosis, you question every little thing that happens and wonder if that means your progressing, or if it's something important you should tell the doctor. The question now is, does this mean I'm going out of remission. Yes, remission has been achieved. This, however; is not a "curable" disease (well, at least not yet), there is no 5 year wait to see if I'm cured. There just is chemo to relieve the symptoms, to lower the white count, reduce the lymph nodes, raise the red counts, etc.
Of course, I can choose not to worry. I can remind myself not to borrow trouble. I can plan how I want my life to look like, how I want it to be. I've already started some planning. We have a trip to Knoxville coming up in March. We're talking about a day trip to Nashville to go to (wait for it.......) White Castle. There is the trip to Ohio for Memorial Day. And in October, our cruise with Nancy and Rick. And then there is the mundane things. More housework, resuming meal making (gee, do I even remember how to cook?), and so on.
I know! It's an adventure!! Something to get excited about, to go forward in joy, not fear. First up: celebrate the end of chemo ~ I'm signing off and going to buy a purse!